Laundry time

MANASSAS, VIRGINIA - Wayne Snider planned a heist down to the last detail. The plan was to hold up an armored car as it made its pickup at a local bowling alley. Right on schedule, Snider rushed up to the driver, flashed a gun at him and screamed, "Give it up!"  The startled driver looked around inside the vehicle and finally handed the stupid criminal a large sack. It took Snider several minutes but eventually he realized a terrible mistake had been made. Instead of holding up the armored car he had robbed a laundry truck. The sack contained a bunch of dirty mop heads.

Zombies are not always the sharpest tack in the drawer, or perhaps he just needed some new underwear?

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Food fit for a Zombie

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Well, at least the salsa is low-cal.

The West Michigan Whitecaps, a minor-league baseball team, will be offering up major league cholesterol, carbohydrates and calories in an enormous hamburger being added to the menu this year at the Fifth Third Ballpark.

The 1.8-kilogram, $20 (U.S.) burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 20-centimetre sesame-seed bun. That's a lot of dough!

The Grand Rapids Press reports that anyone who eats the entire 4,800-calorie behemoth in one sitting will receive a special T-shirt. Saner fans can divide it up with a pizza cutter and share.

Calling all Zombies! Dinner will be served, after all who else would be stupid enough to eat something like that.

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Satan and Zombies

ARLINGTON, Wash. – A woman accused of taking more than $73,000 from the Arlington church where she was an administrative assistant blames the devil. Papers filed with a theft charge Wednesday in Snohomish County Superior Court say the 62-year-old Arlington woman told detectives "Satan had a big part in the theft."

The Everett Herald reported the woman was accused of forging the pastor's signature on 80 checks from the Arlington Free Methodist church. She was fired in February 2008.

She told detectives she used the money to cover household expenses because she couldn't stand the thought of losing her home.

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Information from: The Herald, http://www.heraldnet.com

Ah, Zombies, always blaming Satan for their problems.

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Zombie's and the law

Not Ready for Prime Time: Matthew Peverada was arrested in Portland, Maine, in December and charged with attempting to rob Dipietro's Market. His first attempt, at about 4 p.m., was rebuffed, but he announced that he'd be back at 11 p.m., and that they'd better have some money for him. He returned, and police were waiting. [Portland Press-Herald, 12-29-08]

Now that is a Zombie for you, but wait there is another Zombie to be heard from

In Phoenix in January, Shawn Holden, 20, ran from his car rather than be detained at a traffic stop for running a red light, and officers pursued him on foot. As police were wandering around looking for Holden, a truck driver walked by, got into his truck, and drove off, running over the prostrate body of Holden, who had been hiding underneath. He was treated at a hospital and arrested. [Arizona Republic, 1-21-09]

Zombies! Not always the brightest bulb in the package

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Zombie Currancy

FALMOUTH, Mass. - A customer shopping at a Wal-Mart for a wallet claims he found something that definitely didn't fit the bill: human teeth.

Police say the man found 10 human teeth last Saturday when he unzipped a compartment in the wallet. One tooth had a filling. The customer turned the wallet and the teeth over to employees at the Falmouth, Mass., store but left without giving his name.

Police investigating the incident told The Cape Cod Times that the teeth belong to an adult, but since there was no blood or gum tissue on the teeth, they would be unable to perform DNA tests.

A Walmart spokeswoman said the company believes it's an "isolated incident" but will investigate.

Probably some Zombie lost his wallet. After all human teeth are a valuable currency in the Zombie world

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Get Going already!

DILLSBURG, Pa. - Horns started honking as a sport-utility vehicle sat through six green lights at a south-central Pennsylvania intersection, police said.

Officers arrived to investigate the SUV that seemed to be parked in the intersection, and found the driver asleep at the wheel, with his foot on the brake and a beer in the console.

Officers yelled to wake the man, then had to quickly halt the vehicle when his foot came off the brake and it drifted into the intersection Saturday night in Carroll Township, about 15 Miles West of Harrisburg.

Again, Zombies should never drink and drive. Actually Zombies should never drink, but hey, i am not a moral spokesman.

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